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Posts Tagged ‘mastermind’

A while ago I was working with a client who was angry and stressed about the way the world was treating him. Now this is a delicate situation for coaches – if I sympathise, or even empathise with him I might make him feel better temporarily but I can’t really help him change his results. But if I tell him the truth – that the reason the world is treating him badly is because he is angry and stressed, not the other way round, I am likely to get thumped! The key is to break the news to him gently!

It is one of the most difficult concepts to understand but one of the most critical. Even once you get it, actually acting on this knowledge consistently can be a real challenge and takes time to master. But it is worth it because once you do, things can change very quickly for the better.

Here’s my understanding of it: Your thinking changes the way you feel, the way you feel changes the way you act, and the way you act changes your results and your results dictate the way you feel. Its one big circle. Most people try to solve life’s challenges at the level of action – by changing the things they do. But that is almost never effective long term. To create real lasting change you have to start with your thoughts.

Now most people allow their results to dictate the way they feel. For example, someone treats them badly, they get angry at being treated badly and react in a negative way, because they are angry they treat the next person badly and the negative re-actions produce negative results and they get more angry. Its not unreasonable, we’ve all done it. The problem is it doesn’t work!

When you allow things that have happened in the past to dictate your feelings now, you are ensuring that those feelings from your past create your results in the future. Which means that changing your results is virtually impossible.

So what’s the solution? The answer is to flood your mind with as much positivity as you can. Listen to upbeat music. Surround yourself with images of the things you want in your life and the people who love and inspire you. Make a vision board!

Spend time with positive people who are achieving great results. The bigger the group the better – you won’t all be achieving fantastic results all the time but you can help keep each other lifted all the time. Create or join a mastermind group .

Write a gratitude journal every day and carry it around with you so you can go to it quickly when life is getting to you and remind yourself what’s wonderful in your life.

But most importantly learn to control your thinking. This takes time and practice but don’t give up. You are a powerful, intelligent human being, you can be the master of your own thoughts. Even if your reaction in the moment is a negative one, you can make the decision to control your response instantly. For example, if you are driving down Sheikh Zayed Road (the main motorway through Dubai) and someone tries to cut you up, your instant reaction will probably be fright, followed quickly by anger. If you act on the anger you are almost certainly going to make the situation worse, but if you take a deep breath and send feelings of love and peace out to the other driver you will (yes, I promise you will!) feel better and carry on your day in a positive way.

By the way, if you think its too hard to send out feelings of love and peace just try to visualise the look of utter confusion on the reckless driver’s face as he gets bombarded by love and peace instead of the anger he was expecting!

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OK I’m a day late but hey, I’m in Scotland so give me a break! Things here are a bit slow.

Happy International Womens Day to all the incredible amazing women out there who strive to enrich the world and make it a better place for all human beings, in fact all beings!

We are all together on this spaceship called Planet Earth and as long as we try to separate things into “gender issues” we will never be able to work together to create a better world. It is not about “Them and Us”, there is only Us. Issues that affect women affect the whole human race, if a woman is uneducated her whole family suffer. If a woman is sick her whole family suffer. If a woman can’t work her whole family suffer. If a woman is a victim of crime her whole family suffer. If a woman is discriminated against her whole family suffer. And the same is true of men.

So I believe there are no women’s issues, any issue that affects women affects the whole human race. What’s important is how we love and respect one another and work to our strengths and mastermind together to fulfil our dreams.

So I’m declaring the 9th March International Human Beings Day!

 

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OK, I freely admit its a while since I was in school but one of the things that used to really annoy me was teachers saying “That’s really great work, did you do that all by yourself?”.

And when we pass our driving test the first thing we get told is “Well done, you’re on your own now”.

Like that’s a good thing?

In reality, the most successful people realise they can never achieve their full potential on their own. They surround themselves with people who are better than them and they learn everything they can from them. They create teams of like-minded people who want to thrive, not just survive. They learn that the true power of the mastermind is in diversity. They work with people who love to do the things they hate to do and are brilliant at the things they could do better. They work to their strengths and don’t waste time and energy worrying about their weaknesses and partner with people with complementary skills. And they are not afraid to share the glory when they get amazing results and to give credit where its due!

Who would you love to partner with?

 

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With all the doom and gloom that we are surrounded by every day on TV and radio and in the newspapers it’s a testament to the strength of the human character that we don’t all just stay in bed, pull up the covers and stick our fingers in our ears and hope when we wake up it’s all gone away!

So how do you keep a positive attitude in this negative world we live in? To do this it’s important to understand what a positive attitude is, and more importantly what it isn’t.

Most people think a positive attitude is keeping a smile on your face no matter what is going wrong in your life. You may have crashed your car, run over the kids’ hamster, had your house burgled and eaten so much chocolate that Switzerland is in danger of running out, all in one day, but if someone asks you how you are you smile and say “fine”.

Well, has anyone ever told you what FINE stands for? Its stands for Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional (there is a less polite version but I don’t want to offend anyone!) Now promise never to use that word again, OK?

A positive attitude means taking a good look at your current reality, accepting it for what it is, asking what you can learn from it and then figuring out how to create the life you want.

When things are going wrong its tempting to keep analysing what went wrong, who’s fault it was, how horrible it is, and then back round again! It’s so easy to keep rehashing the mess over and over but that won’t get you moving forward. That’s a bit like driving down Sheikh Zayed Road backwards in the rush hour!

If you are constantly looking back at the past, how can you ever move forwards safely and successfully?

Now, I do believe that it is necessary to look at what went wrong and why. But do it once, then ask yourself what you have learned from the experience and use that learning so you don’t make the same mistakes again.

Then you have to forgive yourself for all your mistakes, let’s face it, if you’d known better, you’d have done better, right? No one plans to scew up! So don’t beat yourself up for what you’ve done in the past! What you have to do is make a plan and start to take action on that plan as soon as possible.

Even if you can only do a tiny amount that is great, just keep going and tomorrow you will do more.

So, now you’ve accepted reality, forgiven yourself for your mistakes, are clear on what you have learned and have a plan for moving forward. So what do you do to avoid getting sucked back down into the negativity?

Well, first of all I think it’s a great idea to write your plan down, and more importantly write down how wonderful your life is going to be once you achieve it. When the going gets tough, and it probably will, it’s easy to forget what you were going to do and why you were doing it. So write everything down and when you get stuck you can go back to your list and there’s the next step sitting waiting for you! When it gets really tough have a look at your
vision for your future and remind yourself that it is worth it!

Be very careful who you speak to about your plan. Only share it with people who you know will be helpful and enthusiastic. Our friends and family usually mean well but sometimes they can hold us back, especially if they think we might be taking on too much, or stretching ourselves too far.

It helps if you can find a Masterminding group who will support you on your journey, or create one yourself with some likeminded people. But remember, only share your plan with people you can trust to support you.

In fact it’s a good idea to avoid negative people altogether.

You know the type, if they’re not complaining about their aches and pains they’re complaining about the weather, or the government, or their spouse or their boss. And if you met them again a year later they’d still be complaining about exactly the same things! These people are energy vampires and you need to get them out of your life for good!

OK, I know that’s not always easy, especially if you’re related to them! But spend as little time as possible with them and most importantly do not engage with their dramas. If you do they will suck you dry before you know it!

The very best way to stay positive is to write a gratitude journal – every day if you can. Now some people say you should do it last thing at night and others say you should do it first thing in the morning. I say you should do it whenever suits you best. I love to wake up and write in mine first thing every morning, it starts my day off with a smile and gives me the energy I need to get going. In your gratitude journal you should write about all the fantastic things in your life, and because what you focus on is what grows, you should also write about the things you want to increase in your life.

Your gratitude journal should start with the words “I am so happy and grateful for …..” I use a simple format to keep me on track – mind, body, family, friends, society, finances. I think of all the things I am grateful for and all the things I want to increase in my life and I keep writing till I run out of things to say. I can even be grateful for Dubai traffic – for example “I am so happy and grateful for all the great drivers who drive safely and courteously”. People laugh at me for that, but you know what? If what you focus on is what grows, then I want to focus on the great drivers, not the idiots!

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