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Posts Tagged ‘humour’

No! Not that kind! He’s quite cute and cuddly compared to the Klingons I’m talking about.

The Klingon is a new kind of Energy Vampire. Its actually an evolved Energy Vampire but not in a good way. And beware – any Energy Vampire can evolve in to a Klingon at any time, but especially when you put them under pressure.

The Klingon is the Energy Vampire who just won’t give up. It doesn’t matter what you do to them, you can ignore them, you can confront them, you can get them therapy, you can be mean to them and they still won’t go away. They will call you, leave you messages, emails and be very careful – they will also use your friends and family to get to you. Some Klingons have even been known to fake illnesses just to get your attention back. They’re like annoying giant mosquitoes but you can’t just swat them or spray them with PiffPaff!

Don’t fall for any of it! Do whatever you have to do to keep this Energy Vampire at bay. Tell them you’ve left the country, change your name, move house. Tell your friends you are being stalked by a lunatic and whatever you do, don’t feel sorry for it!

Another one of their tricks is to tell you they’ve realised the error of their ways, had therapy and will be on their best behaviour for ever more. Don’t believe a word of it. If you have to be polite, tell them how happy you are that they’ve got things sorted and then block their number.

The problem with the Klingon is it’s panicking – it’s lost its source of energy and is going to do whatever it takes to get it back. No trick is too dirty for the Klingon. And if it does get it back it will hang on so tight next time you won’t know which way is up.

In fact this is how new energy vampires are created! The Klingon will feed off you so much that your only way to survive might be to become one yourself!

The only way to get rid of this persistent creature is to starve it of energy and don’t engage with it in any way whatsoever! It might take some time but eventually it will find someone else to suck dry.

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We’ve had kind of a sad evening tonight saying goodbye to good friends who are leaving Dubai for ever to go and start a new life in Thailand. But while it will be really sad to not have them living ten minutes from us, there are so many ways that technology today makes it so easy to maintain long distance friendships. We’ve got Facebook and Skype and sms and email so the great thing is we are not really losing friends – we are gaining a destination!

I’ve noticed that many people like to criticise technology and say it gets in the way of people having proper relationships. But I have to say in my experience the reverse is true. I get to have face to face conversations when ever I like with friends and family all over the world. We can make quick connections on Facebook or long conversations on Skype, or just drop them an instant message to say we’re thinking about them. Its up to us. We can share experiences at the click of a mouse and sometimes create wonderful friendships with people we have never physically met. We can create relationship which are based entirely on common interest and geography is irrelevant.

People who say technology gets in the way of human relationships are clearly just not doing it right!

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I made a client laugh yesterday when I told her she was probably going to have to kiss some frogs so she might as well do it with purpose and get as much learning out of the experience as possible!

You know the old saying – “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince”. Well its true in business too. You will have to do business with some complete idiots before you find your dream clients! Some people will treat you badly. Some will fail to pay you. Some will just be totally disorganised and not have a clue what they’re doing. Some will have business ethics that make sewers smell fragrant! Unpleasant as they are, they are all learning opportunities for you!

And not everything we have to do to achieve our dreams is going to be pleasant. Sometimes we have to do stuff we don’t want to do in order to get the results we want. Lets face it, who really wants to get up at 5am to go to the gym, or to a networking meeting? But while we may not want to do the thing – we want the results of the thing more! We are doing the thing with purpose!

And when you do things that other people are not prepared to do, you will get results that other people can only dream of!

 

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Angel Castle - Rock Star and Dogess

I found this lovely story today and it made me laugh. I hope it makes you laugh too!

It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Seal Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the question, “Where do pets come from?”

And Adam said, “Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.”

And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, “But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”

And God said, “No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility.”

And the Lord said, “No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration.”

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam.

And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog wagged his tail.

And Cat did not care one way or the other.

By the way, I have no idea who wrote it so if you know please tell me so I can give them the credit they deserve.

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OK, so what do you do when your Inner Reptile has a stranglehold on your brain and is pulling out all the stops to prevent you moving forward?

Let’s start with what you don’t do.

Do not, under any circumstances, try to fight him because you will never win. You cannot use the force of your will against the Inner Reptile, at least not for any useful length of time. The Inner Reptile controls your body, quite literally. The reptilian brain is your back brain and the start of your spine – he is the gatekeeper to your entire nervous system! And if he doesn’t want to do something, fighting him will just make him hang on tighter. He is trying to save your life, fighting him will just reinforce his belief that you are on a suicide mission and he will do whatever it takes to keep you where you are. Remember, the Inner Reptile only sees things in black and white – in his world you are either safe or dead. There’s no grey area!

Do not under any circumstances beat yourself up. You are not useless, a wimp, a failure, disorganised, pathetic or whatever else you like to call yourself when you’re not happy with your performance. Beating yourself up will only convince your Inner Reptile that you have lost all your marbles and are not safe to be let out with a human body!

Do not, under any circumstances give up. If you do that you convince him that he was right all along and next time he will take over much more quickly.

So what do you do?

Firstly, make a plan and write it down and then follow the plan to the letter. Do not be distracted by any of the tricks he’s going to throw at you. If its not in the plan its just a reptilian game! Write that at the top of your action plan for every day to remind yourself, because one of the Inner Reptile’s tricks is to wipe your memory clean!!

Secondly, keep a sense of humour! Your sense of humour is one of your most advanced human states and the ability to laugh at yourself is highest of the lot. Being able to step outside of a sticky situation and see the funny side is one of the quickest and most effective ways to get the Inner Reptile to let go. Remember, he’s sneaky and sly but he’s not very bright – if you’re laughing he’s going to think maybe this isn’t so scary after all! If you need to, watch some funny movies, the sillier the better. As long as you laugh lots and laugh long and loud. Yes, you will probably get some funny looks but that will just add to the humourous situation.

Thirdly, make sure that everything you put in your brain is positive. Read positive books like The Science Of Getting Rich, The Power of Positive Thinking or  The Secret or anything by Napoleon Hill. Don’t read the newspapers or listen to the news, the last thing you need is to hear about more things to be stressed about, especially things you can’t do anything about. Avoid negative people. They are toxic at the best of times but when the Inner Reptile is in charge they are doubly dangerous.

Fourthly, stretch lots and do as much exercise as possible. The Inner Reptile can’t keep control of a loose, flexible, stretched body so now is a good time to take up yoga! Run and walk lots too, get a dog or borrow a friend’s or volunteer at your local shelter. Throw some weights around, its a great way to get rid of all that excess tension. Take up a martial art and let the Inner Reptile do some fighting in a safe environment! Exercise increases the oxygen supply to your brain and your brain cells need all the help they can get right now.

And finally, don’t push too hard. Make room in your plan to humour the Inner Reptile occasionally – that way you keep him guessing and let him know that you appreciate all his hard work in trying to keep you alive!

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Fun Stuff

Sorry guys, I’ve been training for the past two days and my brain is completely fried! So I could use a little light entertainment and I thought maybe you could too! This is hilarious but some of you may need a translation!

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Really! Life’s too short not to have a sense of humour and when it comes down to it, none of us are getting out of here alive!

I used to do a yoga class on a Friday morning (for those of you not in Dubai, that’s a weekend day for us) and the yogi in charge used to call us his Happy Class because more often than not we would all, including the yogi, end up in fits of giggles as one or more of us got stuck in unlikely positions. Every so often a new person would join the class and then complain that we were not taking yoga seriously enough. They were dead wrong, we were taking yoga very seriously, we just weren’t taking ourselves too seriously!

I see it so often that people don’t really get the difference. Taking yourself too seriously is classic Inner Reptile behaviour – I mean, when did you last see an iguana telling a joke? Its not exactly their forte.

In fact keeping a sense of humour in a crisis is actually one of the most effective ways to make sure that your Inner Reptile doesn’t get a hold of your brain. Being able to laugh at a serious situation does not mean you are not taking things seriously, seeing the funny side just means you still have full acces to all of your brain.  And in a difficult situation I’d suggest that’s a good thing.

Humour is very much a front brain activity so the ability to laugh at yourself is in fact a sign of intelligence!

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