Posts Tagged ‘Bob Proctor’

Anyone who’s ever read any books on goal setting will have heard the phrase “Don’t ask how” and probably wondered how that makes any sense! I know I did!

In fact it doesn’t make any sense until you understand the sequence of thinking needed to successfully set and achieve goals. It not that you never ask how, but if you ask “how” while you’re deciding on your goals you will almost certainly give up before you start. In fact for any worthwhile goal its almost certain that you will not know how when you start out on the journey. That’s where the learning and personal growth comes in! Its only once the decision has been made that the “how” question becomes relevant.

Years ago Bob Proctor asked me what my dream car was and I told him it was a Porsche Boxster (yes, I’m a petrolhead, sorry!). Then he asked me why I didn’t have one and I told him I didn’t have the money for it. He said to me “But you don’t need the money, you haven’t decided to get the car yet!” Initially I was confused and even a bit irritated! But the more I thought about it the more I realised that what I had done was to ask how I was going to get the car before I had decided to get it. In other words, I had made achieving the goal conditional on figuring out the “how”, and in doing so I had stopped myself dead.

In 1961, almost 50 years ago to the day, when US President John F. Kennedy announced that he would form a team that would put a man on the moon, he had no earthly idea how it would be done, but once the decision was made it was inevitable that it would be achieved. Only once the decision was made did the question stop being “can it be done?” and start being “how can it be done?” And by making the decision, he drew to him all the resources and all the people who had also made the same decision.

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WOW, isn’t it great when you take your own advice and it actually works?

OK, I’m joking! I know it works but as coaches so often we get caught up in other peoples’ goals that we forget to attend to ourselves and sometimes even forget to take our own advice!

Yesterday I was looking at my blog statistics and fairly pleased that it had been a good, but not phenomenal, month. Earlier in the month I had had a bigger number in mind but in the rush of day to day life it kind of got lost and by yesterday morning I had decided to accept good but not phenomenal. Then I thought “What am I doing? I don’t let clients away with good but not phenomenal so why on earth should I let myself away with it!”

Now in order to reach that goal I needed a more than phenomenal day – I needed to smash through my previous daily record! So I started contacting everyone I knew who I thought might like to visit and maybe even suggest it to friends and with 2 hours to spare it was done. Easy! What was even better was that I re-connected with some old friends, and even made some new ones and started some really great conversations!

How often do we settle for good but not phenomenal when phenomenal is so much closer than we realise! It reminds me powerfully of a chapter in Bob Proctor‘s book You Were Born Rich where he says :

In 1947, Armed was the first race horse in the history of United States racing to win over one million dollars in prize money.  That year Armed had earnings of $761,500.  Yet the horse which finished second in earnings that same year, a horse which often lost races a mile long by only a nose, won only $75,000.

If you were to look at the winnings alone, it would appear that Armed was thirteen times better than his closest competitor.  However, when you compare the times that were actually registered by these two horses in their races, you discover that Armed wasn’t even four percent superior.

It’s the little things you do that can make a big difference.  What are you attempting to accomplish?  What little thing can you do today that will make you more effective?  You are probably only one step away from greatness.

And to quote one of my other favourite coaches, Jack Black “It only works”!

Have a fantastic month!

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Once you have decided to get really clear on what you want, a big part of your job from now on is to pay attention! Look around you – every minute of the day the universe is giving you clues about what to do, who to talk to, where to spend your energy. But for the most part we ignore these clues and carry on trying to do it the hard way!

A classic example was today – I was having coffee with a friend and we were talking about something and I said I must remember to tell another friend about that because she’s told me that’s exactly the opportunity she’s looking for. Ten minutes later I happened to glance up and who should walk past the window but the friend I was talking about! There is no such thing as coincidence! Carl Jung called it synchronicity – when two events that seem unrelated click to create a “meaningful coincidence”. I like to think its the universe making sure we’re paying attention!

You see when we start to focus on a desired result we focus energy onto it – and what we focus on is what grows. If someone else is focusing on the same thing the energy is multiplied and magnified and things start to happen very quickly. Bob Proctor says “What you want, wants you”. Think about it, it makes perfect sense. If you want a result that is truly meaningful to you the chances are someone else stands to benefit from your result – remember the principle of enrichment – all business is about creating enrichment for everyone involved. So for example, if you are looking for someone to help you grow your business in a certain way, the perfect person for that project is looking for an opportunity to contribute to someone’s business in exactly that way. To put it really simply, if you want to sell carrots, your perfect customer is someone who wants to use carrots! And they are looking for you as hard as you are looking for them.

The challenge is, these things are happening incredibly quickly and we have to be ready to pay attention and act on them in that instant, otherwise the moment is gone, the opportunity is lost and we have to go back to doing it the hard way!

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OK, maybe I’m being a bit mean here. Some of them are good friends of mine and I have, on many occasions, flown half way round the world to learn from them. Mostly the top guys (and girls) are incredible motivational speakers and leave you with a broader, more inspired view of the possibilities for your life. They are absolutely brilliant at what they do.

However, coaches they are not. And here’s why:

Being coached by these “gurus” is a bit like asking Michaelangelo for painting lessons when you have never even picked up a brush. Or asking Jenson Button to help you pass your driving test. Or getting Rafael Nadal to give you tennis lessons – OK, I have to admit that does appeal! Yes, it does amazing things for your ego to say you’re being coached by the best of the best but in reality very few of them have learned to talk to you and empower you at a level you can work at now.

Your coach needs to be able to communicate, empathise, and empower you at the very edge of your comfort zone or just outside it. You need to be able to reach up to your coach at a stretch, but if he or she is at the very top of the ladder and you are only half way up they’re not going to be much use to you.

Coaching is not motivational speaking one on one!

Many of the gurus will tell you exactly how to do things to get the results they got, but they’re telling you what they know, not what you need to know! There’s a big difference. What you need to do where you are is very different from what they need to do where they are.

Don’t get me wrong, I would still travel half way round the world to be inspired by Mark Victor Hansen or Bob Proctor but in a coach I want someone who can say “I’ve been where you are and I remember how it feels”. The best motivators are rarely the best teachers.

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So how exactly do you go about setting and achieving goals without leaving your comfort zone? And how do you know when you are pushing too hard and getting into the burnout zone?

Bob Proctor says when you are setting big goals you should feel excited, but nervous in about equal measure. I think that’s a great way to describe that feeling of being right on the very edge of your comfort zone.

But in order to achieve real personal growth your goals have to be way outside your comfort zone – HARD goals are always out there – the A stands for aspirational, the D stands for daring. The key thing to realise is you never have to achieve your goals in one step.

Imagine if you were standing at one end of a football field and someone told you that what you wanted was at the other end, but the only way you could get it was in one step – you couldn’t ever get there. It would be impossible. But if you could take as many small steps as you needed you would get there very quickly.

Once you have set your big scary outside-your-comfort-zone goal the next thing you have to do is break it down into action steps – the smaller the better. And the action steps will always be inside your comfort zone.

If you find yourself getting more nervous than excited, that means you’re heading outside your comfort zone. So just break the steps down further. The thing about your comfort zone is it isn’t fixed – by working at the edge of it you are constantly stretching it, and yourself!

Taking hundreds of tiny actions steps is always going to get you where you want to go quicker than sitting around trying to figure out how to do it in just one!

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OK for many people that’s a bit of a rhetorical question! Especially first thing on a Sunday morning! Bob Proctor says “very few people think, they merely trick themselves into believing they are thinking because there is some mental activity going on – but actually they are only exercising the mental faculty called memory”.

He has a great point. You see, if you think old thoughts (memories) you will get old results! The only way to get better results is to learn to think better!

Most people think that if they want to change their results they need to change their actions but that only works in the short term. Anyone who’s ever tried to go on a diet knows that this doesn’t work! Dieting is not about what you put in your mouth, its about what you put in your head! And the same is true about any kind of goal achieving – what you put in your head determines the quality of your results!

Think about it!

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The subject of gratitude has come up a few times this week, starting with my friend Debbie Stumpf’s suggestion that I should participate in her friend Richard Paul Evans Gratituesday idea. Don’t you just love how connections work?

Gratituesday is such a great idea to really make us focus on the many thing we can be grateful for, so it will be appearing on the Outwith The Dots Facebook fanpage regularly from now on! The next thing was a reminder about a fantastic song on YouTube by Dave Carroll. When his band’s guitars were smashed by an airline he wrote this song and since then has had over 9 million hits on YouTube! Is he grateful to the airline for smashing his guitars? You bet he is!

So the funny thing about gratitude is we can be grateful about everything, even the stuff we label “bad”, because we never know where the bad stuff is going to lead us!

A number of people have asked me for more detail on how to create a gratitude journal. The only real answer is that there is no one correct way – the key is to create something that works for you and that you will use and be inspired by.

But here’s what I do – you can take what works for you from this and add your own ideas as well (and please tell me!).

First of all find yourself a really beautiful journal to write in. It needs to be something that looks and feels special. Mine is a beautifully bound leather book with fabulous quality paper, but the best thing about it is its been personally signed by the master of inspiration himself – Mark Victor Hansen! So its very special to me.

I don’t believe when you write in it is particularly important. Its more important that you do write in it, and write regularly! I do mine first thing in the morning because I like to set myself up for the day with some fantastic positive ideas. Some people say do it last thing at night so your subconscious can work on ideas while you sleep and that’s a great idea too. Sometimes I write in it a few times a day. For example if new ideas come to me, or if something happens that shakes me. I find its a fast way to shrug off the inevitable negativity that comes our way every day!

So what do I write about? Well, keeping in mind that what you focus on is what grows, I write mostly about the things that I want to increase in my life. I start off with “My intention for today is….” then I follow it with “The feeling I need to focus on is…”

I always use Bob Proctor’s formula to start each sentence – “I am so happy and grateful….” and I go through a simple structure that works for me – mind, body, family and friends, society, finances and spirituality. I look for all the things I am grateful for, and all the things I want to increase or maintain in my life in each section. Sometimes I just write a page, sometimes its three or four pages. I don’t think it really matters how long it is, its the intention that’s important.

And then I finish with “I open myself up with love, joy and passion to all this and more, in the spirit of service to all. It is so.” and then I sign it. Signing it is really important. When you put your signature to something, you’re saying to the world you really mean it!

So that’s it. Pretty simple really but one of the most incredibly powerful tools you will ever use. Enjoy!

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