You are not responsible for other people’s behaviour but you are responsible for how you respond to it. Pretending that other people’s actions don’t affect you unless you allow them to is really kidding yourself. Yes, its true that no one can make you feel anything that you haven’t chosen to feel, but lets be real here! Of course you are going to be upset if someone lies to you or takes advantage of you – unless you are so evolved that it all just rolls over you. Lets be honest, even if we know that the evolved way to be is to not let anything bother you, how many of us can actually sustain that behaviour for any length of time? What usually happens is we can let go of it for maybe the first ten times but the eleventh person who pisses you off gets shouted at big time! Which is not really fair given that they might well have watched the previous ten people get away with it!
So take responsibility for your boundaries and make them very clear to people at the outset. Let them know what is and is not acceptable behaviour and stick to your own rules. Remember, we teach people how to treat us and if people consistently get away with treating us badly nothing is ever going to change.
And if someone does treat you badly, let them know and don’t give them a chance to do it again. Don’t be afraid to define your boundaries and let people know, politely of course, what the consequences of overstepping them are. Do this at the beginning of any relationship and you are much more likely to be treated with respect and care, and if they don’t, you know early on that they are not worth your time or energy.